by Michaelene

Often times when we do our personal growth work, I think we concentrate so much on surrendering to our shadows not realizing it is just as important to surrender to our beauty, our light, our abilities, talents, intuition, strengths, etc. as well. It's important and difficult - for me anyway.

A short time ago during meditation, I asked what I need to surrender to in order to keep moving forward and to pass an exam I am required to take for my career. "Surrender to your beauty, " I heard, "Only then can you truly believe in yourself and your abilities." My beauty, as I thought about it, means all those wonderfully positive things I have such a hard time owning. I mean, take me into the shadows almost any day but my light and my beauty? That's another story.

The darkness is a lovely place, especially when you don't realize or accept the light. My family has been keying on the darkness for generations. Yes, many dark things have happened but has anyone clearly focused on the light? The community (light) the darkness may have built?

I have been an interesting dichotomy of catastrophizing and optimism all my life. Catastrophizing especially when it comes to myself and my abilities and optimism when it comes to others and things outside myself. That is very isolating and lonely at times because there is then only a "I'm in it alone feeling" while with others, I don't want them to feel alone. It is interesting I am not comforting and cheering on myself in the way I do others. I am truly my own worst enemy and perpetuator of the loneliness I feel at times.